Not hyped for the return of college football? Michael Irvin’s epic speech should do the trick

In case you haven’t heard, college football is officially back this weekend. But it’s unlikely that you’re anywhere near as amped up as Michael Irvin.

The Miami Hurricanes will face the Florida Gators in Orlando on Saturday night, which promises to be one of the biggest smack-downs this season. And at a fan event on Friday, Irvin, a former Cane and current NFL analyst, issued a warning to the enemy team: He’ll … kill them?

(Note: Excerpts from his speech, transcribed below, should be read at a constant, growling scream.)

“We don’t care!” Irvin said, bounding around the event stage wearing a massive University of Miami chain around his neck. “We’ll come to your damn house, put our foot on your throat and snatch out your damn heart. And that’s what we’re about to do tomorrow!”

Fans roared at the thought of cartoonishly murdering a team of fearsome reptiles, as if Miami’s mascot — which is not actually a hurricane, but a bird called an ibis — could claw through the carnivore’s armor-plated skin.

“We will snatch out their heart. Snatch it out!” he roared, mimicking the motion of the rhetorical heart-snatching.

Mike Cugno of CNN affiliate WFOR shared the video on Twitter, where Irvin doubled down on his pugnacious statements.

He tweeted, “We @CanesFootball are about to leave all these @GatorsFB fan in ruins. That’s what Hurricanes do when they hit.”

Whether the Hurricanes win or lose to the Gators won’t be answered until after kickoff at 7 p.m. But Irvin’s reaction to either outcome already promises to be comedy gold.